Rob Volpe

Topic: The Importance of Listening in the 5 Steps to Empathy 

10:30 am Speaker: Rob Volpe  (10 min)

Summary

Rob Volpe, an empathy activist and author, discussed the importance of empathy in the workplace, citing a study showing 67% of employees work longer hours and 88% stay longer at empathetic companies. He outlined five steps to empathy: dismantling judgment, asking good questions, active listening, integrating understanding, and using solution imagination. Volpe emphasized active listening as crucial, requiring focus and attention to non-verbal cues. He also highlighted the significance of empathetic language and exercises like empathy circles to foster understanding and validation. Volpe concluded by encouraging the audience to practice empathy for better communication and problem-solving.

Action Items

• [ ] Connect with Rob Volpe further and explore the content on his website about having conversations after the election.

• [ ] Visit the Empathy Circles website to learn more about the empathy circle exercise.

Outline

Rob Volpe's Introduction and Background

• Speaker 1 introduces Rob Volpe, highlighting his role as an empathy activist and author of the award-winning book "Tell Me More About That: Solving the Empathy Crisis One Conversation at a Time."

• Rob Volpe begins by apologizing for his cold and checking if the audience can see his presentation.

• Rob Volpe introduces himself as an empathy activist and founder of Ignite 360, now part of Dig Insights in Toronto.

• He mentions his background as a master storyteller and acute observer of human life, living in San Francisco with his husband and three cats.

Empathy Crisis and Its Impact

• Rob Volpe discusses the empathy crisis, referencing President Obama's comments on the empathy deficit.

• He cites data from the State of Workplace Empathy Study, showing that 67% of employees will work longer hours for an empathetic employer and 88% will stay longer at an empathetic company.

• Volpe highlights the challenge of being empathetic, noting that 42% of employees struggle with it, and the difficulty increases as one moves up in the organization.

• He emphasizes the importance of empathy in enhancing communication, collaboration, problem-solving, decision-making, and other skills both professionally and personally.

Five Steps to Empathy

• Rob Volpe outlines the five steps to empathy: dismantling judgment, asking good questions, active listening, integrating understanding, and using solution imagination.

• He explains that dismantling judgment is the hardest step and often the biggest barrier to empathy.

• Active listening is highlighted as a critical step, requiring conscious effort to stay focused during interactions.

• Volpe discusses the importance of integrating understanding by being open and curious to different viewpoints.

Active Listening and Its Importance

• Rob Volpe emphasizes the need for active listening, which involves staying focused and not getting distracted during interactions.

• He points out that non-verbal gestures and movements can indicate a person's state of mind, such as being distracted or defensive.

• Volpe advises following the speaker's lead and using similar language to show interest and maximize information.

• He stresses the importance of being present and bringing oneself back if the mind wanders, practicing grace with oneself and others.

Empathy Circle and Empathetic Language

• Rob Volpe introduces the concept of an empathy circle, which involves repeating back the speaker's point of view to ensure understanding.

• He discusses the importance of empathetic language, such as "I can imagine how you feel" and "I see your point of view."

• Volpe encourages finding language that feels right and comfortable for the speaker.

• He provides a QR code to the empathy circles website for further learning and engagement.

Conclusion and Call to Action

• Rob Volpe reiterates the importance of active listening as the third step in the five steps to empathy.

• He invites the audience to connect with him on social media and mentions upcoming content on how to have conversations after the election.

• Volpe emphasizes the critical role of empathy in various aspects of life and work.

• He concludes by encouraging the audience to practice empathy and active listening in their daily interactions.

Transcript

https://otter.ai/u/XK4F5VHJGi4d15-tcAYXTEPBnrI?view=transcript

I'm Rob Volpe, empathy activist. I'm also the founder of Ignite 360 which is a consumer insights research firm now part of dig insights out of Toronto. I've been accused throughout my life of being a master storyteller and an acute observer of human life, and I think that acute observer is really listening in various forms for people, that's part of what I'm going to talk about today. I'm based in San Francisco, where I live with my husband and our three cats, Domino, Barnabas and Solitaire, and I always introduce them when I'm doing virtual because inevitably, one of them at least wants to show up and cuddle while I'm talking on a presentation. But as Kara mentioned, 

I'm the author of tell me more about that solving the empathy crisis one conversation at a time. So I wanted to start, I'm going to get into talking about how I share listening and how it fits into the five steps to empathy. But first, wanted to give you guys a little bit of background information. 

I think everybody on this call would agree that there's an empathy crisis going on. We saw Edwin slide earlier about the issues and what President Obama said during the campaigning about the empathy deficit. But there's actual real data to this. I know Anita mentioned it. Maria's got some great stats, but coming out of the state of workplace empathy study this year found that 67% of employees will work longer hours for an empathetic employer. So Anytime somebody's saying to you, well, what's the benefit of empathy? Here you go.

 You've got employees that are going to work harder, work longer for you if you are empathetic in return. Additionally, 88% of employees say that they're going to stay at an empathetic company, so you're going to have less turnover. That's a really good thing, because turnover is very disruptive to your business, and it actually costs you a lot of money. However, being empathetic is challenging. 42% of employees say that they struggle to be empathetic, and it's an even higher number. 

I think Anita mentioned some of the CEO numbers. It's even higher the further up you go in an organization, so there's a struggle to be empathetic. And I liked how Maria was talking about the importance of the way that empathy and listening in particular, shows up and can show up in the workplace. But empathy what's so critical? This is really fun. I've got a TV appearance on Monday morning, so that's going to be really interesting. 

Empathy empowers the skills we need to be the people that we are and hope to become. And there's domino right on cue. So empathy, the thing people get confused about with empathy, it's like, Okay, I've got empathy. Great. Now, what do I do with it? And that's exactly the thing like you use empathy for all these other skills, to communicate, collaborate, solve problems, persuade, make decisions, ideate, trust, reach forgiveness and have compassion, and those in turn, make you better in whatever role you're playing at work, as well as in your personal life. And so my book and the talks that I give, and the training is all around the five steps to empathy and the five steps, and we've heard a few different frameworks, and all of them are correct.

 Empathy is such a complicated topic, and it involves how we show up as people. I took the perspective of looking at like, what are the barriers people are having in the moment when they're trying to reach somebody else. What are the things that they need to overcome? And I'm going to grab that Meowing cat. 

Here's domino for everybody to see. So there's five steps. The first one is to dismantle judgment. This one tends to be the biggest and the hardest and gets in most people, people's way. The second one is that you need to ask good questions. And then, and here it is, active listening, or you need to actively listen. So critical, and I'm going to talk about how I talk about I'm going to share how I talk about active listening in particular. The fourth step is integrate into understanding you're hearing all. These different things, and you've gotta make room in your head and be open and be curious to understand what somebody else is saying and recognize that they may have a viewpoint that's different from yours, and that's okay. And then the fifth step is use solution imagination.

 So that's then taking the things that you're learning and starting to put it into action and further the conversation, to reach those goals that you're trying to achieve. So when you talk about active listening, what I really like people to really consider is a it's that making that conscious effort to stay focused during an interaction. We've all heard different speakers talk about how exhausting an empathy circle, especially the first time is and it does take a conscious effort, even if you're just having a regular phone call. 

And I'd like to point out, we get easily distracted. We shift our attention away usually, you know, I try to draw references for people about, you know, how many zoom calls it might be happening right now, where somebody's on this webinar, they're listening, but they're also doing their email or their social media or their other things, and it's easy for us to get distracted, even if we're having a one on one with somebody, you've got your phone open or you've got something else on the screen, so you really need to try to stay focused. 

And we all listen, but it's different when we choose to listen and concentrate solely on the speakers. So when I'm giving a talk to a large or small group, I'm really trying to get them to understand that need to focus and concentrate. And I'll often do a little empathy circle like exercise if there's time, because if we're willing to listen long enough and well enough, that's how we truly understand other people, and that's how we're able to then get into those later steps and use solution imagination and try to come to a positive resolution.

 A few tips that I recommend for people. It's also it's not just the things that you're hearing, but it's the non verbal gestures, the postures, or the movements. So sometimes it's about like, Hi, I've got a cat pacing back and forth. That's going to indicate that I'm a little I might be a little distracted, and you want to be listening for those things. Or if you're in somebody's office, or you're in somebody's house, paying attention to the other things that are happening, and then whatever the classic nonverbal gestures or movements might be, are their arms crossed, and does that indicate defensiveness or something else?

And pick up on those things, and don't be afraid to talk to that something similar and empathy circles, I think, are a good practice for this is following your speaker's lead. So while in the traditional empathy circle, you're not having a direct Q and A you can when you're in conversation, though, pick up on those questions, use the words that they're using to show that you're interested and to help you maximize the information that you're hearing, so you want to be able to use similar language. I think Anita pointed out that when somebody is being heard, it's hitting in a very different place. And ultimately, all we are looking for as humans is to be seen, heard and feel validated, that we have a value on this planet, and then again, be present. If the mind wanders, always bring yourself back. 

I talk a lot about having grace with yourself and with other people, and this is kind of along those lines. And then we'll do an exercise, and this is, I'll introduce the idea of an empathy circle, and depending on the size of the group and the timing, will get into engaging in a conversation. And really the essence of the empathy circle is about, and what's so powerful is that repeating back that point of view, and so having somebody repeat it back. But I also like to I spend time talking about empathetic language. So what are some phrases that people can use that help people understand that you're connecting and hearing. And I always tell people like, you need to find the language that's right for you and what you're comfortable with.

 But a few things that I might say, I might start with, I can imagine how you feel, you feel, x, y, z, and I repeat exactly what they say. Or I can see your point of view. And so while you're stating what you've heard in the way that you heard it, which that's coming off the empathy circle, and then ask them to confirm if you reflected it back to them correctly. And I have that little if you want to double click, go visit the empathy circles.com website to learn more. And so at times, we will have some engagement where I will have people model if we've got time in a workshop, but if I'm up on a bigger stage, it's usually just the example of it, and people, people start to get it, because it is a really critical step to having empathy. So that's how I approach. Question, where I see listening, fitting into the five steps to empathy. 

You know, it's the third step. I didn't intentionally put it in third, but it's in the middle, and probably because of the importance that it has. But you've got to be able to dismantle your judgment. You've got to be asking the right questions and then making room in your head that there's different ways to do that. That QR code takes you to, I think, my website, I would love to connect with you further, reach out, connect on the socials. I've got some content coming out later this weekend about how to have conversations with people the morning after the election and whatever is going to happen here. And I know that's an area we're all struggling with right now. Yeah.