Using Empathy Reflection @ Home & Work.

Speaker: Cara Jean Wilson  

OTTER.AI Summary 

Cara Jean Wilson, an empathy circle facilitator and executive coach, discussed the transformative power of empathetic reflection in various aspects of life. She explained that empathetic reflection involves actively listening and mirroring back emotions to make individuals feel truly heard, which activates mirror neurons and fosters connection and trust. This technique is beneficial in parenting, leadership, and team dynamics, as it enhances emotional intelligence, reduces stress, and boosts oxytocin levels. Wilson emphasized that empathetic reflection is not just a nice gesture but a neurologically efficient practice that benefits both the practitioner and the recipient, promoting collaboration and strengthening relationships.

Transcript

https://otter.ai/u/gjkds5_D4u5tHFH9Hae6u5PUTsY?view=transcript

Outline

Empathy Summit Introduction and Purpose

• Edwin Rutsch introduces Kara Jean Wilson, highlighting her roles as an empathy circle facilitator, executive coach, and creator of the CARA method for Neuro spicy inclusivity.

• Kara expresses excitement about the topic, emphasizing the importance of empathy and its transformative power in relationships, teams, and personal growth.

• Kara aims to discuss empathetic reflection, a tool she uses daily, and its impact on parenting, leadership, and fostering trust and understanding.

• She stresses that empathy is not just a buzzword but a crucial skill that enhances connections and relationships.

Understanding Empathetic Reflection

• Kara defines empathetic reflection as actively listening and mirroring back what someone is expressing, focusing on understanding rather than agreeing or solving.

• She explains the neuroscience behind empathetic reflection, mentioning the mirror neuron and the Duchenne Smile, which activates the brain's reward centers.

• Empathetic reflection creates a safe space where people feel truly heard, promoting connection and trust through non-active activities.

• Kara provides an example of reflecting a colleague's frustration to activate their brain's reward centers and reinforce a positive feeling of being understood.

Personal Application of Empathetic Reflection

• Kara shares her personal use of empathetic reflection in parenting, helping her son articulate his feelings and develop emotional intelligence.

• She explains how reflecting her son's emotions helps regulate his amygdala, calming his stress and allowing his prefrontal cortex to engage in decision-making.

• In family meetings, empathetic reflection sets the tone for clear and productive conversations, reducing stress and promoting collaboration.

• Kara emphasizes the importance of empathetic reflection in her work as an executive coach, helping leaders feel seen and process challenges more effectively.

Empathetic Reflection in Leadership and Team Dynamics

• Kara discusses the essential role of empathetic reflection in leadership, creating a sense of psychological safety and enhancing team cohesion and trust.

• She shares a success story of an executive who used empathetic reflection in one-on-one meetings, leading to more engaged and motivated teams.

• Empathetic reflection is not just for conflict resolution but also for reinforcing positive emotions and maintaining strong connections.

• Kara highlights the universal human need to be heard and seen, and how empathetic reflection activates brain social bonding mechanisms, building trust and strengthening relationships.

Neuroscience and Benefits of Empathetic Reflection

• Kara references studies at UCLA that show labeling emotions, such as empathetic reflection, decreases amygdala activity and enhances cognitive processing.

• She emphasizes that empathetic reflection is not only beneficial for the person being reflected upon but also for the practitioner, who becomes more attuned and less reactive.

• Empathetic reflection is a practice that builds empathy as a muscle, making individuals better equipped to handle stress and foster connections.

• Kara encourages everyone to incorporate empathetic reflection into their daily lives, starting small and using it in various contexts, from personal relationships to professional settings.

Closing Remarks and Appreciation

• Edwin Rutsch appreciates Kara's presentation and emphasizes the value of the empathy circle for practicing empathic listening.

• He acknowledges Kara's contributions to the empathy summit and her long-term involvement as a volunteer on the team.

• Edwin expresses his pleasure in seeing Kara in the group and thanks her for her support and dedication to the empathy summit.

• The meeting concludes with mutual appreciation and anticipation for future discussions and applications of empathetic reflection.

Transcript

https://otter.ai/u/gjkds5_D4u5tHFH9Hae6u5PUTsY?view=transcript

Edwin Rutsch  

So Cara is an empathy circle facilitator and executive coach with taking care of business and the creator of the CARA method for Neuro spicy inclusivity, and is also a member of our empathy summit team here. So take it out. Take it away, Kara.

Cara   

Oh yeah, I'm so excited. Hi everyone. Today I'm going to kind of say a lot of things you've already heard. I think that that shows great alignment in this group, that we all know the power of empathy. And I'm just going to say it all again in a different way, because I really want to talk about how I use empathetic reflection at home and at work. So empathy, for me, is way more than a buzzword. It is a skill that transforms our relationships, our teams, and, most importantly, ourselves. We just talked about how it's the inner work that gets that external result right. 

So today I want to dive into empathetic reflections, a powerful tool from the empathy circles that I use every day, every day. It's the kind of tool that can make your parenting from chaotic to connecting. It can take your family from conversations that are passive aggressive to productive, and it can take your leadership from okay ish to absolutely magnetic, whether it is helping my child make sense of his emotions, guiding my family through meaningful meaning, meaningful conversations, or coaching leaders to foster trust and understanding within their teams, empathy, reflection has proven indispensable, the ultimate brain hack for connection. At its core, empathetic reflection is about actively listening and mirroring back what someone is expressing.

 It's not about agreeing or solving. It's about creating a space where people feel really and truly heard. Right from a neuroscience perspective, reflecting someone's emotions activates that mirror neuron when we these, are these specialized brain cells that help us understand and resonate with others in their experience. 

You see this in smiling. It's called the duchen Smile. I know that sounds dirty. That's just the scientists name. Okay, so Doctor Duchin discovered a mirror feedback loop in our brain that when somebody smiles with their eyes and their mouth at the same time, it activates the part of the brain that says, Oh, we must be happy, make happy juice. And then that contracts that muscles around your eyes and your mouth, which then tells your brain, oh, we must be happy, make happy juice. But because it's also a mirror neuron, a monkey see monkey do situation when I smile with both my eyes and my mouth, your face tests it to see if it's a genuine smile. But since it is now, you're smiling with your eyes and your mouth, and your brain is saying, 

Oh, we must be happy. Make happy juice. Empathetic reflection is how we do that and create a safe space where people feel truly heard with just listening and zero activity. It is the most active, non active activity that you can do so that mirror neuro the specialized brain cells that let us resonate with each other when we reflect what we hear, it's not just being polite. We are actually engaging another person's brain in a way that promotes connection and trust.

 Never else might like, yeah, sorry. Cut. Cut distracted by their comments, for instance, okay, if a colleague shares their frustration about a product instead of jumping in with advice, you might say sounds like you're feeling a little overwhelmed, because the timeline feels tight, that little moment of recognition activates their brains reward centers, releasing dopamine and reinforcing that positive feeling of being understood, which soothes the brain fully bunches. 

But let me talk about, on a personal level, how I use this at home, parenting is where empathetic reflection shines. My son, like most kids, struggles occasionally with articulating his feelings. He's four, so you know, there's a limited bandwidth for words, and when I reflect his emotions and our shared reality, I give him language for his inner world. Neuroscience backs us up when we reflect a child's feelings, it helps regulate their amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for emotional responses. 

This calms their stress and allows the prefrontal cortex, or adulty adult, to step in and the brain's decision making center to engage in what is going on. For example, when my son is upset for having a bad day, I might say it's. Sounds. I hear frustration.

 It sounds like something didn't go the way that you wanted or expected. And that reflection not only validates his emotion, but it helps him develop an emotional intelligence by linking words to feelings. I do this in our family meetings. Empathetic reflection sets the tone for all of our conversations before we dive into any of the logistics that needs to get handled, like chores, we take turns reflecting each other's top thoughts and feelings. It's it's like clearing the static so the signal comes through crystal clear. 

It totally lowers our cholesterol or cortisol. Cholesterol, cortisol, the stress hormone and so there's no flipping of tables when we get into discussions at my household. In my work as an executive coach, empathy reflection.

 Empathetic reflection isn't optional. It is absolutely essential. It is the best hack I have found for leaders, period, bar none. Leaders often feel the weight of expectation, and when they get that reflected back with their words and their emotions, they feel seen, and that allows them to process challenges more effectively. It creates a sense of psychological safety, a concept that was pioneered by neuroscientist Amy Edmondson, who calls it the secret sauce for high performing teams. It's brilliant, but it doesn't just stop there. I teach that to my leaders to use empathetic reflection with their teams. When leader demonstrates empathy, it boosts oxytocin levels, enhancing team cohesion and trust. 

One of my executives told me that this one he started putting this into his one on one meetings, and instead of rushing through tasks, they started reflecting on what they heard. It sounds like you're feeling stuck because of x. And the result was that his team was more engaged and more motivated. They found it easier to solve problems. But don't just use empathetic reflection for conflict. Use it when things are going well too. 

Reflecting someone's excitement, their pride, their enjoyment, it reinforces that connections and keeps that momentum running strong. I don't know where I'm on type. I just got excited. Think we do it. Okay, yeah, we're doing it. Okay. Empathetic reflection works, and not just because we feel it and we experience in the science says it, but it meets a human, universal human need, the need to be heard, to be seen. When we reflect back someone's words and feelings, we activate the brain social bonding mechanisms. It builds trust. It strengthens relationships. 

It fosters collaboration. Rewiring our brains, their brains, the brain for connection and collaboration. Studies at UCLA highlight that labeling emotions, specifically naming them decreases activity or calms our amygdala and enhances cognitive processing. So in other words, empathetic reflection isn't just nice or kind. It's neurologically efficient and productive. And for a spicy twist, when you practice empathetic reflection consistently, your brain benefits too. 

So not only are you helping the other person, have that connection, have that calming amygdala experience, but you're experiencing those things. You become more attuned, less reactive, better equipped to handle stress. Empathy isn't just a gift you give, it's a muscle that you build. 

So I would invite everyone to bring empathetic reflection into your life and and everywhere. Start small. Use it at home tonight. Try empathetic reflection today with your partner, with your team shoot. Use it with the barista who looks like they're about to lose it with the holiday rush, and just reflect back what they are outwardly sharing to the world. 

Train yourself to understand first, before responding, before reacting, before needing to fix, remember, you're not just listening. You're rewiring connection, creating trust at a DNA brain level and foster and grow. Thank you for letting me share my journey with empathetic reflection with all of you today, and I can't wait to keep hearing what everyone has to say.

Edwin Rutsch  

Thanks, Kara, and I think the. Thing about the empathy circle, it's the best way I found for practicing that empathic listening. I mean by doing the empathy circle, you don't have a lot of space to learn and practice the empathy active listening, or empathic listening, or reflective listening, or couple words used for that. And the empathy circle is just a really good way of practicing it. And so really appreciate that. And also really appreciate all your work on the empathy summit we've been working on this been our, one of our volunteers on the team for for over a year. So always a pleasure to to see you in these groups. And thanks for all your your support for that.

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