Bill Filler

Topic:  You Can’t Understand the Empathy Circle Unless You Experience it.

10:20 Speaker: Bill Filler (10 min)

Summary 

Bill Filler, a retired special education leader, discussed the experimental nature and impact of empathy circles. He highlighted his 30-year experience with at-risk children and his role in co-creating the empathy circle facilitator training. Filler emphasized the importance of experiential empathy, noting that cognitive empathy is enhanced by felt experiences. He referenced research by Elizabeth in Scientific American, which supports the idea that empathy is easier in a communal practice. Filler outlined the empathy circle's components: absence of judgment, equal speaking time, and adaptations by facilitators to ensure everyone is heard. He concluded by stressing the value of mutual respect and understanding.

Outline

Bill Filler's Introduction and Background

• Speaker 1 introduces Bill Filler, highlighting his extensive experience as a special education leader and teacher.

• Bill has worked with at-risk children for over 30 years and has been involved with the empathy circle since 2017.

• He co-created the empathy circle facilitator training with Lou and Edwin and has been conducting training since March 2020.

• Bill is a member of the empathy center board of directors and will discuss the experimental nature of empathy circles.

Bill Filler's Personal Anecdote and Empathy Realization

• Bill shares a personal story about taking his class to the beach, which was a high point of his career as a special education teacher.

• He recounts dealing with suicidal adolescents, families in crisis, and kids at risk of going to prison.

• Bill had an epiphany when he realized that many violent acts by students were communicative intents, often stemming from unmet needs like hunger or trauma.

• Addressing these underlying needs, such as providing food, helped reduce violent behavior and fostered a belief in the power of words.

The Empathy Circle Concept and Its Impact

• Bill describes his experience at Berkeley, where he saw Edwin's empathy circle process and felt it was what the world needed.

• He discusses the importance of empathy beyond cognitive understanding, emphasizing the need for experiential empathy.

• The empathy circle aims to create an experience of being heard and understood, enhancing cognitive empathy.

• Edwin Rutsch, the creator of the empathy circle, views it as a basic practice that can be expanded upon, supported by research.

The Power of Community in Empathy

• Bill references an article by Elizabeth in Scientific American titled "Being Empathetic is Easier When Everyone's Doing It," which highlights the importance of a culture of empathy.

• He explains that practicing empathy together creates a broad base for an empathic journey.

• The empathy circle experience is powerful because it involves practicing empathy with others, fostering a sense of community.

• Building a culture of empathy acknowledges a deep-seated need for connection, similar to Michelangelo's process of seeing the image within the rock.

Components of the Empathy Circle Experience

• Bill outlines the two major dynamics of the empathy circle: experiencing being heard and understood, and providing that experience for others.

• The empathy circle provides a felt empathic experience, grounding cognitive information and enhancing understanding.

• The absence of judgment is a key component, with reflector roles focusing solely on understanding without criticism or agreement.

• Equal time for all to speak creates a sense of equality and community, while adaptations by facilitators ensure everyone is heard.

Values and Goals of the Empathy Circle

• The empathy circle values openness, mutuality, and care, which together form the value of empathy.

• The goal is to create an environment that eliminates trauma and social conditioning, allowing participants to experience their inner empath.

• Practicing empathic listening in more circles is recommended to deepen connections with others.

• The empathy circle is a dynamic experience that defies strict definitions, focusing on co-creators who feel empathy and want to create a culture of mutual respect and understanding.

Final Thoughts and Wish for Connection

• Bill shares a comment from a newcomer to the empathy circle, who felt more connected and relaxed without being told what to think or do.

• He expresses his wish for everyone to experience this sense of connection and relaxation.

• The empathy circle aims to provide a rare experience of being heard solely with the intent of understanding.

• Bill concludes his talk, thanking the audience and ending the session.

Transcript

https://otter.ai/u/MUrpZnxQ5pENFY4jdq6s4H7_0Ow?view=transcript

Okay. Next up is Bill filler. I am so excited. It has been my honor to work with Bill and the empathy for several years. He is a retired special education leader and teacher who has worked with at risk children of all ages for over 30 years, and he has been involved with the empathy circle since 220, 17. He co created the empathy circle facilitator training with Lou and Edwin, and has been holding training since March of 2020. He's a member of the empathy center board of directors, and today, Bill is going to talk to us about the experimental nature of empathy circles. Take it away, Bill 

Sure, and then the experiential nature. So first of all, I didn't get the memo about the slides, so I apologize for that.

And but what you can see back here is kind of an artist, kind of filter of my class going to the beach, and as a special education teacher, this was sort of like the high point of my career where kids can just go and have fun and be themselves. One of the epiphanies I had as a special education teacher is that I dealt with suicidal adolescents, kids and families in crisis, kids who are in danger of going to prison, and and so many times they would do an impulsive, violent act, throw a book or something like that. 

And my epiphany is that afterwards, the leader, you know, of our team, sat us down said, Okay, what's the communicative intent of that act? And in the moment, it just seems spontaneously or on, you know, who knows? But then when you dug deeper and we did our homework, we found out that they hadn't been fed, they saw a violent something. 

And when you could address that feeling and also meet it, not just say, Oh, I hear you're hungry, and then leave it at that, when you hear you hungry and then get them something to eat. Then they started to believe in the power of their words. And so they started to then the violence went down precipitously. And then when I went out to Berkeley one day, I saw Edwin and this wonderful process, and so I felt that that's really what the world needs. So much of was written about empathy, defining it, how its practice can make you a better partner, boss, co worker and group number, etc, a lot of things like that. And those are great. 

They're valuable information that can have a positive impact in our lives. Many times, however, the mode of delivery relies on a download of information from the instructor to the pupil. Beyond its simple rules, the empathy circle seeks to create an experience of empathy created by two major dynamics, the experience of being heard and understood, and providing that experience for others. The Empathy circle, when it's working, gives participants a felt empathic experience.

 This is not meant to denigrate the cognitive empathy, but once you experience empathy, it grounds the cognitive information and enhances one's understanding. Edwin Rutsch, the creator of the empathy circle process, talks about circle empathy circles being a basic practice that can be expanded on. The reason why the empathy circle is such a good place for one to start their empathic journey was backed up by research in an article by Elizabeth in September, Scientific American which Jana also referenced. 

It is titled, being empathetic is easier when everyone's doing it. She cites studies that show that people can understand intellectually how to empathize, but will not always choose to do it. The environment that creates and perpetuates a culture of empathy happens when people are practicing it and modeling it daily. The reason the empathy circle experience is so powerful is that you experience it with other people, so that incorporates that community experience. 

This is the it is this practice with others that creates the broad base from which to embark on your empathic hero heroes or heroin journey. So why does a simple practice that provides the feeling of being heard provide such a significant experience for people of different ages, ethnicities and religions? When we speak of building a culture of empathy, we refer to our common humanity when we experience that sense of being heard and listening with other people. We are acknowledging a commonly held deep seated need for connection. Michelangelo was once asked how he transformed a lump of rock into a sculpture such as the David. 

He replied that he saw the image within the rock and he simply chipped away. It at everything that was not David, in my experience, that is the same function of the empathy circle practice to create an environment that eliminates much of the trauma and social conditioning so that each person can experience their inner empath. Once you've encountered this inner empathic self, you feel empowered, skillful, independent, while still deepen your connection with others. The path towards expanding realization of our connection to our family, town, country, species and even the entire living world is as varied as each person that attends a circle. 

The rules have a simple goal, to let all the participants in the circle be heard and understood once that has occurred it is a cup. Is up to each of us as to how we continue our empathic journey. Practicing empathic listening in more circle is one way that I recommend what goes into the two dynamics that I mentioned of being heard and providing the experience for others? It's more complex than can be explained in the short talk, but we can describe some major components. The first component is the May is the absence of judgment other than the empathy circle structure, we don't have any other directions we accept people as they are. This is usually the first thing that a person new to the circle experiences when they speak. 

They find that the reflector doesn't criticize, agree, relate a similar experience, but just tries to understand. Think of the last time that someone listened to you solely with the intent of trying to understand you. It's a rare experience. We relate this to our value of openness. The second component is the equal time given for all to speak. This creates a sense of equality and community. A circle participant doesn't have to assert themselves to be heard. They will get several chances, guaranteed people love to be heard. But equally powerful is giving the experience of being heard to another. 

This is related to our value of mutuality. The third component is when the facilitator makes adaptations within the structure of the circle practice to enable everyone to be heard. Everyone brings their own set of strengths and challenges to the circle. Individuals can be dealing with illness, trauma, language barriers and even technical issues, among others, a good facilitator will try to accommodate challenges into the circle to give as many people as possible the feeling of being heard. This relates to our value of care. Put all these values together, and you get our value of empathy. 

The Empathy circle is a dynamic experience that defies strict definitions. We do not seek adherence, but co creators who enjoy the feeling of empathy in themselves, and want to help to create a culture based on mutual respect and understanding. One comment that indicated to me that a person had an iconic empathy circle experience was something a newcomer said. She said I wasn't told what to do or what to think, but I feel more connected and relaxed, and that is my wish for us all. Thanks. Bye.